BLOG
Songs of my dreams and awakenings
Aspire to Inspire
When we defer our dreams and aspirations to tomorrow, we deprive ourselves and the world around us of the inspired within us.
Fulfillment is a leadership quality, a personal responsibility and the key to one’s sense of purpose and legacy.
To lead and inspire others, to feel a sense of identity and completion, to ease the internal restlessness that seems unsatisfied by externally derived rewards or accolades, we must nurture our personally defined ‘Fulfillment Factor’ ... or we will collide with it.
When we defer our dreams and aspirations to tomorrow, we deprive ourselves and the world around us of the inspired within us.
Thinking our careers and aspirations are mutually exclusive, we imagine that “someday” our jobs will pay for us to have our dreams. Trusting “time is on our side”, we promise ourselves to invest in our aspirations once we have “enough” … money, time, freedom … to do so. We convince ourselves that we can handle “just one more year” as we focus on achieving and attaining the goals set before us rather than those defined within us ...
… until we can no longer sustain the internal conflict.
That’s when the identity crisis sets in … when we are satisfying externally derived rather than internally derived definitions of fulfillment … when we are being to the world around us something we are not being to the world within us.
Rewarded for self-compromise, it seems pointless to self-actualize.
Sometimes we imagine “we get paid” to compromise ourselves and believe “we are serving” others better by our willingness to do so. Martyring ourselves to our causes (our careers, companies, colleagues, companions, children and communities), we make trade-offs. We compromise aspects of our self on behalf of others ...
... until we no longer recognize our self in it and resentment rewards our compromise.
Martyrdom sucks as a leadership quality.
Sacrificing the inspired self in the name of our causes eventually translates into a loss of talent. Paving a road to resentment, illness and stifled creativity, it also gives rise to blame cultures and political positioning in a workforce … undermining collaboration. When we hold the world around us accountable for ‘the price we have paid for the sacrifices we have made for them’, we seek to redress the imbalance through titles, financial ‘compensation’ and benefits that make our continued compromise worth our while. It works at first, but no matter how much or in what form we are compensated for self-compromise ...
… our hunger for fulfillment is never satiated by suppression.
The authentic leader is actualized.
They are self-realized, wholly expressed, congruent ... and fulfilled.
What fulfills, inspires.
We cannot lead from the uninspired within us. Incongruence within ourselves is intuitively felt and heard by our peers and audiences. It undermines our efforts to rise, deliver consistent results, lead inspirationally and realize our full potential.
When we are aspirationally fulfilled, our contributions reflect the inspired within us. They sustain us ... and are sustainable. We become retainable.
The inspired, inspire.
Aspirational Leadership
Investment in whole-self leadership shifts turnover to turnaround.
High turnover is not a symptom of whole-self leadership, it is a symptom of no-self leadership.
Corporate cultures break down when a sense of self-identity, purpose or fulfillment is compromised.
A retention challenge, aspirational voids entice leaders to leave careers in search of something 'more fulfilling' that satisfies the aspects of their self that aren't wholly expressed. Left unaddressed, the cycle proves inefficient for companies and for their talent pools.
Reward and benefit schemes aimed at investment in the aspirational self capitalize on human potential ... inspiring contribution, transforming cultures and retaining talent.
Me AND We
An investment in the whole-self is not just an investment in the aspect of the self that makes sense to a company, but also in the aspects of the self that make sense to the individual ... and their personally defined sense of wholeness.
We fear that investing in leadership fulfillment will result in turnover rather than turnaround.
If we invite our leaders to examine ideas like aspiration, fulfillment and personal legacy, we fear we are inviting workforce instability rather than inspired growth and expansion.
When we do not invest in the "appreciation" of our assets, we depreciate our assets.
It serves no one to discount our human capital by investing in part rather than the whole of our talent's skills, interests and acumen ... or by encouraging them to do so. Besides, as shareholders of the companies for which we work, it is also our responsibility to contribute rather than withhold our own inspired contributions ... and deliver inspired results.
It is a leadership responsibility to inspire. Therefore it is a leadership responsibility to be inspired.
Inspiration and fulfillment can be invested in, but cannot be instilled in a leader. They can be coached out of us, but not imposed on us. Offsites lead by mountain climbers inspiring us to reach our goals will rarely translate into sustainable action … because what inspires us is personal to us.
Talent development requires a personal investment in what personally inspires your talent.
From the Inside Out
I originally wrote this poem for my sister's wedding ... but it is a poem for all.
artwork copyright Alison Pothier
I originally wrote this poem for my sister's wedding. It was the first time I was to speak in front of family and friends after my divorce. I wondered, what do I have to say that can help a couple just starting out? The words didn't come ... until I sat alone, in my bedroom at the top of the house while everyone raced around getting dressed. Only moments before we had to leave, I prayed for the words to come. I looked out the window and began by writing what I saw ... "the sun comes up, your wedding day, as I search my heart to find, the words that are of a different gift, one of a lasting kind. you make a vow, to today be true, to love and laugh together, but with best intent - no malcontent - you can come across some stormy weather ... so you'll need some tools to guide your sails the right way from today, a compass point, an anchor, a light to show the way. ... " The rest of the poem continued as with this one, ending with one change "Rise up and stand together".
In 2005, when I decided to open my wellness center in London, I struggled to choose a name. A dream said it had already been given to me in the poem,"Inside Out" ... along with a logo. So I branded my center Inside Out Retreats and handed out bookmarks with the poem on it as our ethos, editing the words to what they are now in order to suit everyone ... for its message is universal.
The sun comes up, another day
and you search your heart to find
the who you are, the one you knew,
the one you left behind.
You make a vow, 'to myself be true'
as you start to piece together
that life you dreamed up as a child
that clouded with the weather.
So you'll need some tools to guide your sails
the right way from today ...
a compass point, an anchor,
a light to show the way.
For when the horizon overwhelms
or fills you up with doubt,
don't look for your tools from the outside in
look from the inside out.
From the inside out there's clarity,
you can see with the inner eye.
You can use the lungs within
to breathe a deeper sigh.
From the inside out your inner voice
speaks the vow with which you start
and there you'll find encouragement
nestled deep within your heart.
From the inside out, the compass faces a different pole ...
from the inside out, the compass points to your inner soul.
When the soul is given voice,
it is armor against the weather ...
and you can protect against the storms
rise up, light as a feather.
copyright Alison Pothier
The Leader
"The leader is the one that says “this is who I am” ... and decides they are going to allow themselves to be seen."
The leader is the one that says, “this is who I am” and would dance naked on stage if they felt that it would give somebody a rise. What I mean by giving somebody a rise is a step up in their life. The one that is the leader, leads with their faults ... rises up, stands on the stage and gets naked in their dance so everybody else has a chance. Though everybody thinks they're having fun doing it, they’re scared too. It’s just that they are more scared of finishing this life incomplete than they are of never starting it at all.
This is in the heart and soul of the individual who decides they are going to arrive in their greatness, dance in their nakedness and ‘for you, for me, I will allow myself to be seen'.
If I fall, in front of you all, well maybe somebody was served by that too."
Dream 11/08
Believe in You
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” ... but what of the dreamer?
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”. As a dreamer myself, I’ve been a great buyer of her sentiments – a shouting fan in the stands of every dreamer en route to the realisation of their dreams and to the power and the wisdom that grows in following the aspirations born of our hearts.
Yet, in all this time of following the dreams of my own heart, I have had to make one small amendment to my understanding of Eleanor’s words. I have come to know now that the future ultimately belongs to those who believe in the dreamer that dreams those beautiful dreams.
As I step forward yet again on this dreamer’s path, I ask myself,
“Do I believe inherently in me?”
“Do I believe in the wisdom and the guidance inside of me to be my navigator en route to the aspirations of my heart?”
This is the question each dreamer faces when stepping onto the path of the dream – when scripting a today that is a deeper reflection of the true heart’s intentions. Each step a response to the question,”Do I believe in me?”
To trust in all the wisdom and promise of the dream is an awakening.
To trust in all the wisdom and promise of the dreamer is an epiphany.
The Void of Success
What happens when, in the very same moment that we realise our success, we find ourselves asking the question, “Is this it?”
“To achieve is not necessarily to be fulfilled, but to be fulfilled is certainly an achievement.”
“What happens next?”
What happens when we finally arrive at the top of our mountain having spent a lifetime climbing to reach the summit?
What happens when we actually achieve all that we have set out to achieve, attain all that we aspired to attain, and have all that we ever wished to have? What happens when, in the very same moment that we realise our success, we find ourselves asking the question, “Is this it?”
To some, it would seem a luxurious sentiment reserved for the materially affluent who are no longer able to find anything satisfying in life, but I would suggest otherwise. Sometimes it is not until we satisfy all other hungers that we are able to truly grasp what it really means to feel fulfilled inside.
Despite all of our successes, accolades, titles, and achievements, many of us wake one morning, stare into the mirror, and ask ourselves how it is possible that we still feel a void and emptiness inside. It is then that we stare a little longer, look a little deeper, and take a much closer look at our definition of success. When we are still hungry no matter how materially or experientially satiated we are, our focus begins to shift from ‘achievement’ to ‘fulfillment’. In that moment we begin a new climb on a journey with self-actualisation.
‘Achievement’ is often measured by the world outside of us, but ‘fulfillment’ is measured by the world within us. Therefore the road to self-actualisation (being our true and authentic self in this world) is an internal one.
In my experience as a mentor and personal advisor to ultra successful individuals, professionals, and entrepreneurs, the question ‘Is this it?’ is often the catalyst for an incredible shift in the way we approach our lives, our investments, our families, and our future.
Once asked, the question inevitably launches another, “What happens next?” Faced with the sudden realisation that we may need to point our compass in a new direction, we wonder where to begin and how to access the void inside so we can understand what it is trying to tell us.
We suddenly realise we have lived in a world that has defined ‘success’ for us to such an extent that many of us have lost touch with our own personal definition of self, success and fulfillment.
To reconnect with this part of us requires the courage to stop climbing for just a moment, reconnect with who we are and what inspires us most, and take time to challenge our perspective on whether and why our current circumstances prevent us from being who we truly are in the world.
What is it that stifles our freedom to be ourselves? What do we fear will happen to us if we are?
Fulfilment requires a deeply personal connection with a sense of self and purpose in all that we do. To achieve it requires a process rather than a moment. A commitment to engage with life differently by opening to the possibility that what we are being in our life matters to us as much as what we attain.
When my clients go through this process, they begin by remembering their true sense of identity, reflecting on their definition of purpose, and reconnecting with all that has meaning in the simplicity of their lives. They then work on weaving the essence of these into the fabric of their world.
Self-actualisation is about adding a sense of identity, meaning and inspiration to the life we are already leading. It should be a process of integration with rather than sabotage to our existing status, position, family or experience.
Aligning “who we are being” with “what we are doing” makes the doing more authentic and sustainable while paving the path for our true legacy contributions.
If our investments truly matter to us, they will not only feed our hunger and fill the void within us, but they will be a reflection of who we are.
This is what legacy truly means.
